Hello again. It amazes me that I'm still getting hits here. But since there are people listening, I might as well talk.
A new boy... let's just call him G for now. Immediately after we met, we were seeing each other practically every night. No matter how many times we told each other we were going to take it slow - him just out of a relationship, me with my relationship-phobia - things really took off and progressed a lot faster than either of us anticipated. It's crazy, this head-over-heels, butterflies in my stomach, not wanting to go to sleep unless he's next to me, can't keep our hands off of each other whirlwind. I keep telling myself to be careful, not to let myself fall for all the amazing things he says to me, but here I am falling for him a little more every day.
It's 99 degrees here every day, and it makes me want to stay in bed all day every day, only getting up to go to work or pick up food. I would eat ice cream for every meal if I could.
I'm halfway finished with college, and wondering where all that time went. Finals stressed me out a lot more than they should have, and I'm beginning to think I'm not cut out for a career in science. The other biochem majors I know can spend every waking moment studying, with their parents paying their rent and no social life to speak of. I work for everything I have, and I'm just not willing to completely give up being 19. That's probably what's going to get me rejected from med school, but I don't think I'd be able to live my life any other way. I got through half a chapter of my MCAT prep book and burst into tears just thinking about how monumental this one test could be.
But when G is around, I don't worry about these things - I'm more confident than ever and immensely happy. It worries me that it takes a boy to do that to me - I talk so much to all of my friends about how women need to be independent, especially at our age, how we have to know we can rely on ourselve before we can rely on someone else. And here I am, a walking contradiction, but a happy one. When I think about that, I'm terrified, but I suppose that's what life is.
nicole: 19-year-old LSU sophomore. biochemistry, pre-med. native new orleanian. starbucks barista. borderline alcoholic. addicted to facebook, red bull and vodka, and college football. a little neurotic, extremely indecisive, and often irresponsible.
