i'm a mess these days. i feel as if i'm not actually living each day as it passes, but rather floating by, just an observer. i'm so very behind in analytical chemistry, and organic chemistry, and okay, just about everything. weekends are late tipsy nights and early morning opening shifts, and weekdays are early morning classes and late night closing shifts. i always bring my textbooks to work with me, but i never open them. my thoughts come mostly in fragments these days.
spent saturday night at diana's place - giggling over pink champagne in plastic dollar store flutes. ashley and i standing in the street with our camel lights, dancing to her renditions of country songs. drunk text messaging with a boy from work who is bound to get me into trouble. and later, standing on the back porch, brandon and i drying ashleys tears, because things don't seem to be working out the way they should for anyone these days.
friday night, sent home from jarrod's apartment by the brpd, most of us with hangovers, jarrod with a minor in possession charge. me curling up on the couch in brandon and travis's apartment, drinking a bottle of smirnoff ice for the first time since i was 16. danielle sitting next to me, blurting in a vodka-induced haze that i should know by now that brandon wouldn't want a relationship at all in college unless it was with me... what? brandon, the first person i told after i slept with jarrod? the only guy mary, ashley, and i drag to louie's on sunday nights for our raunchy, sex and the city-esque chats over strawberry pancakes? brandon who has seen me throw up in the street outside of tucks? who watched me eat two entire pizzas and a party size bag of zapps chips on the orpheus parade route? there are a lot of things that could be said about this, but i'm not sure i've convinced myself that it's real just yet.
nicole: 19-year-old LSU sophomore. biochemistry, pre-med. native new orleanian. starbucks barista. borderline alcoholic. addicted to facebook, red bull and vodka, and college football. a little neurotic, extremely indecisive, and often irresponsible.
